[Nostalgia Critic theme plays] [glass shattering] [laughter] NC: Black Nerd Stock! What’s going on here? BN: I’m finally doing it! I’m making an authentic Ninja Turtles movie! NC: What? How? BN: I’m putting in everything that’s been missing. Krang as one of the villains, his giant robotic body. A Technodrome with an incredibly pointless eye on top! [crazy laughter] Tasty, isn’t it? Mmm yummy! [banging] NC: Well, if it isn’t my old friend. Really? You’re…you’re playing Casey Jones? AVGN: What? He’s a whiny good-looking complainer with a clean haircut, right? NC: No, that’s not what Casey’s like at all–! BN: Beebop and Rocksteady instead of Tokka and Rahzar! A black Baxter Stockman like from the original comics! Oh, this is gonna be good. [angry] NC: Help me out here, would ya? Tamara: Oh, yeah. I’m totally invested. NC: Tamara? You’ve been with us before, how come you
seem so…disinterested this time around? Tamara: Oh, I’m really interested. My miniskirt got like two inches shorter from panicking. BN: A Turtle Van that shoots manhole covers!
They can sell it in stores! Turtle gadgets! Rocket skateboards! NC: Look, Black Nerd…I know you mean well.
But I just get a feeling this is all gonna… Backfire. AVGN: Yeah, this all seems a little…uh…
Beebop: Hey guys! What do you say we talk about our dicks and make fart jokes all day? BEEBOP! Misguided. NC: Where do you get the money to do this anyway? BN: Oh, from him. Shredder?: Hi, guys! AAH! AVGN: Ah, you can’t trust him. BN: Oh, come on. He’s not making the film. He’s just financing it. Michael Bay: Yeah, you won’t even notice I’m here… Oh, gosh, that’s such a pretty movie. You mind if I touch it?
BN: – Sure, put your fingerprints all over it! Critic and Nerd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… Tamara (Disinterested): Noooooooo…
-OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO!! [electric explosion] Nostalgia Critic:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, the follow-up to the Michael Bay produced hit from 2014. Angry Video Game Nerd: Everyone got excited for this movie because it was finally giving everything that the fans always wanted, I mean everything! Black Nerd: Bebop and Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman, the Technodrome, the Turtle Van and most notably, Krang, one of the biggest villains. How did everyone react to it? AVGN, NC and BN: Ahh… eh… AVGN: It sucked.
NC: A little bit.
BN: Mmhm. NC: Some things are amazing and a ton of fun to watch, but other things are..uh.. AVGN: It sucked.
NC: -Yeah, we got it! BN: So what did this movie get right and what did this movie get wrong? Well, strap on your giant mechanical, nunchuck arms. NC: That’s cool. BN: Well get to it. This is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:
Out of the Shadows, Not to be confused with the video game of the same name. NC: There’s a video game of the same name? BN: There is.
NC: -Is that like Turtles 3: Turtles in Time, but it wasn’t called Turtles in Time, but the Super Nintendo was…? [chatting indistinctly] Nostalgia Critic (Frustrated):THIS IS THE MOVIE!!! NC: It opens with New York looking unhealthily green…
AVGN: -They’ve been infected by a nuclear Shamrock Shake? NC: -as the Turtles are seen jumping off the Chrysler building to… Pick up a pizza. BN: Seems like a detour. Michelangelo: “Thanks, Kevin! See you next week!” Black Nerd (Imitating Mikey): “When we’ll find out more ways to destroy your creation!” AVGN: The movie then literally spells out their names. Yeah, thanks, we would have forgotten if you didn’t remind us. NC: We’re not watching Game of Thrones, we can remember who these four are! BN: But they were also nice enough to list their marketable character stereotype. BN: They go to a Knicks game, because if you like Ninja Turtles, you obviously also like Basketball. where it’s revealed that Vern, played again by Will Arnett is given credit for defeating the shredder. AVGN: How the hell is anyone supposed to believe that? Speakers: “But when danger struck the heart of our city. He single-handedly battled Shredder, locking him up behind bars.” [crowd cheers] Malcolm: Hey, guys, just thought I’d let you know that I just single-handedly defeated Godzilla. So, if you’ll excuse me. I’ll be off to get the key to the city. NC: Oh good for you Malcolm.
AVGN: Yeah, I’ll just blindly believe that. BN: Wait, how did you defeat him? NC: You can’t ask something like that! AVGN: That’s totally uncalled for.
NC: -I’m sorry, Malcolm. He doesn’t get it. Malcolm: Yeah, take care of your friend… NC [whispers]: What the hell’s wrong with you? AVGN: We all know who the real monster is. NC: The Turtles then shoot spitballs at him, because it’s clearly more important than stopping crime and they seem to get a direct hit. [imitating crow cawing] BN: I think they’re all having simultaneous strokes. [cawing continues] [cawing] NC: They get a call from April, played again by Megan Fox, who’s following a scientist named Baxter Stockman, played by Tyler Perry, who she thinks is working for the Shredder. BN: Either that or Madea is undercover as Neil Degrasse Tyson. AVGN: Neil Degrasse Tyson, really?
BN: -Yeah, Neil Degrasse Tyson. NC: You’re sure that Tyler Perry as Baxter Stockman
doesn’t look like anyone else you can think of…? BN: Nope. [sighs] Fine! Tyler Perry as Baxter
Stockman kind of looks like me. NC: Really? I was just gonna say
he looks like the original comic, but now that you mention it,
yeah, it does look exactly like him! [laughs] [laughter continues] Haaa! April O’Neil: “There’s a big difference.
I’m a nerd not a geek. It’s the difference between like Ted talks, and–”
Stockman: “Comic Con! Yeah!” (laughs awkwardly) NC: She starts downloading information off of his iPad, but it gets taken away before she can get all of it. April: “It has truly been an honor to meet you, and you were really one of the greatest minds of our generation.” NC: Huh, that’s how most women get
out of a conversation with Michael Bay. BN: Speaking of which, insert our gratuitous sexy shot as April finds an emergency Schoolgirl uniform stand to disguise herself. NC: “Maybelline. For your random spot light appearing, pantyhose vanishing, Kleptomaniac tendencies. That’ll be $94.25, bitch.” April: “Look, everybody! I got a cowboy!” “CHEESE!” AVGN: Wow. I didn’t know such a lame excuse
could get somebody into skimpy clothing. NC: Oh, Tamara! Black Nerd is holding some information for us and the only way he’ll spill it is if somebody dresses up in a Harley Quinn uniform. Accommodate us. Tamara: No. NC: But Michael bay said you would. Tamara: No.
BN: -First season Harley Quinn? Tamara: Okay, I’m not Megan Fox! You can’t just easily replace me
If I don’t do what you want. NC: No? Tamara Quinn: Of course not! Now which of these baseball bats looks better? [laughter] BN: That’s our Tamara! [audience laugh track sound] AVGN: We then see the Shredder being hauled to jail and– wait a minute. Who’s this guy? I know we didn’t really see the
Shredder’s face in the first film But even from that shadowy outline,
we know this isn’t the same guy. Even his reveal is nothing! Last time, it was a big mystery what he looked like
and now it’s just “Oh, hey. I’m Shredder. No biggie.” He’s unmasked the majority of the film! That would be like if Michael Myers
was walking around without a mask. NC: Yeah, it’s like saying this Chris
O’ Donnell look-alike is Casey Jones. “Hey, Jones!” “They’re all yours.” ALL 3: WHAT THE HELL?? BN: Casey Jones is a pissed-off vigilante. He hates the justice system
because he thinks it’s broken, resulting in a short fuse badass
who doesn’t play by the rules. Think Rambo meets Jason. What’s this guy’s story? Casey (Whining): “That’s Officer Jones and I’m
gonna be a detective someday!” NC: Close. Just take the exact opposite of
everything he was and that’s him. NC: Look the guy playing him, Stephen Amell, is a
good actor. He’s proven that time and time again. But in this movie, they’re just not
giving us who Casey Jones is. Casey: “What up, big daddy lawbreaker!” NC: “Ready to forget how awesome I was in Arrow?” Casey (Boasting): “You got 32 counts of first-degree murder! Hot damn! Take it from someone who has his
own problems with anger-management issues–.” AVGN: Ooh! That must mean he’s a badass.
He has anger management issues! Casey: “I myself am a hockey guy, it’s like bone-crushing on ice.” NC: This movie’s overcompensation is like that
kid who says “my mommy thinks I’m tough!” Baxter: “Here we go!” BN: So, Baxter Stockman, and the Foot
Clan ambush the truck to break him out. BN: Actually, why do they even need the Shredder? It looks like they’re doing pretty damn good without him. NC: Yeah, I think it’s like losing Ted Healy
from the Three Stooges. It’s not a big loss. “Nunchucks Giganticus!” [metallic banging] NC (Excited): Okay, that was awesome! [metallic clang] BN (Dissapointed): And they’re gone! AVGN (Dissapointed): And the coolest thing only lasts a few seconds. NC: Get used to that.
AVGN: -Get used to life. Casey (Standing there with a taser): “Shredder!” NC: “If that is your real name!” [yelling] Baxter: “Initiate.” BN: But Baxter uses a teleportation
device to beam Shredder away, resulting in him somehow meeting up with everybody’s favorite alien brain, Krang! Krang: “You and your buddy Dr. Stockman found something of mine. The teleportation device,” NC: And now it’s time to play why is this awesome, but not as awesome as we thought it’d be. AVGN: Krang looks pretty good, even with the Modern-day updates, but for some reason they give his body this cluttered mechanical head instead of the traditional bald head from the cartoons. I wouldn’t mind so much except in the trailers, they clearly did give him the bald head, so why change it? BN: No, no, that’s not the reason. The real reason is because Krang barely gets an introduction before he jumps into immediately throwing
a ton of plot at us. Like a TON! Krang: “That device is part of a
machine called the ARC capacitor.” “It broke apart into three pieces.
Collect the other two pieces.” “I launched the Arc capacitor to Earth’s dimension. It will open a portal through which
I could bring the Technodrome!” BN: We barely have a chance to take in how awesome it is to see Krang on the big screen because everything in this movie is so quickly rushed! NC: No, that’s not the reason either.
The big issue is his voice. That’s Brad Garrett. Who’s usually a pretty good choice, but he comes across as really… random in this. Krang: “Oh, I’m sorry! Did I get a little tentacle mucus in your eyes?” (Yeah like no kidding sherlock) NC: The inflections, the pitch, the attitude,
none of it seems to have any direction. Anyone with the weird distinct voice can do it. I said anyone with a weird distinct voice can do it. [sighs] I’ll be right back. EpicVoiceGuy: That’s a good question, um, I guess
my favorite one is Pacific Rim. They forget about the whole drifting things they had one part that was just separate from all the rest–aaaah! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! NC: Go! Alright, alright. [sighs] EpicVoiceGuy: Wait, what am I doing? [sighs] NC: I’m trying to show that the voice of Krang is very
random and anyone with the distinct voice can do it so do some distinct voices! [sighs] EVG: Like what? NC: Anything! You’re good at this, come up with any distinct voice you can think of! These back and forth shots are very difficult to edit! EVG: How about a little Walken? EVG [Christopher Walken Voice]: “Shredder, shame on you.” “I see more than just an expensive bubble.
I want to give you more power. Ooby doo! I want to be like youhoo-hoo. And fuck the cops! Fuck em!” But Sam Elliott has different plans. [Sam Elliot Voice]: I want to use the technodrome, made by Dodge Ram to steal all the good sarsaparilla. I’m talking about the Kraang here.” [Black Nerd’s Voice]: “With the help of Dr. Blaxter Stockman. That’s heavy.” Using the plutonium god from the Libyans, we’re gonna make this town disappear faster than the Back to the Future animated series. NC: Beautiful! Nicely done! EVG: Wait, that’s it? You literally
dragged me here just for this? NC: Well, I can’t really think of anything
else to do with your talents. BN: Wait a second! What if we turned him into a mutation of all
the nostalgic Saturday morning cartoons? EVG: Really? AVGN: Oh, like the comedy of the Ninja Turtles! EVG [Michelangelo Voice]:”Cowabunga, dudes!” BN: And the strength of Lion-O! EVG: [Lion-O Voice]: “Thundercats! HOOO!” AVGN: The Brilliance of Batman! EVG: [Batman Voice]:”I am the night.” NC: My God, this could be amazing! Go, Jon Bailey! Create the greatest combination of Saturday morning cartoons ever! EVG: Oh my God. I’m so excited! BN: Ah, I can’t wait to see what he comes up with. AVGN: He’s a good kid.
BN: -Yeah NC: What makes things even stranger is how willing Shredder is just to go along with this weird Brain’s domination plan. Literally in seconds, he agrees with it. Krang: “We can bring the people of your planet to their knees.” Shredder (Without second thought): “I’m interested.” NC: No, no, no. The correct answer is “Who are you??” AVGN: “What are you?”
BN: “Where the hell is this?” NC: “What? What??” BN: We then cut to Laura Linney as the police chief. Because a woman in a pantsuit will
balance out a woman in a short skirt. NC: Hey, it worked great for black people in Transformers 2. AVGN: Her only job is to roll her
eyes and say “Nope. Wrong. Uh-uh.” Laura: “You proved to be an authority on nothing!” “Don’t take help from someone
who’s responsible for losing them.” “And where did you recover this?” “Leave this manhunt to the professionals.” NC: When will people learn that the doubting Police Chief in movies is always right? (Never) 🙁 AVGN: She throws Jones off the case because, big surprise, they don’t believe his story about giant turtles. Laura: “Thanks for your statement, Jones.” Casey: “That’s officer Jones! [Whining] Look, I can help you catch these guys. I’m not crazy. I know these streets better than anyone.” [whining] NC: But it’s okay because he decides to solve the case himself. And you better watch out, because
when he goes rogue, he roughs up… people’s glasses! [glass shattering and yelling] AVGN: Ooh, he’s really off the rails! In the original film, he’s beaten the shit out of bad guys, but here. He’s throwing CDS. See these nuts? Bartender: “Are you out of your mind?” Casey: “Gettin’ there.” [glass shattering] BN: Does this fall more under interrogating or temper tantrums? “I love this song.” [glass breaking] BN: But hey, it was a Vanilla Ice CD that he threw, so, that’s a reference. Yeah, that’s a point. Bartender: “I have a GPS. You find them with that.” NC: So Shredder finds the two inmates who helped him escape called Bebop and Rocksteady and uses them as test subjects
for one of Krang’s weapons. BN: Now, in most incarnations, they
mutated by combining people with animals using the same ooze that made the turtles. Simple. Makes a lot of sense. So what’s the complicated reasoning here? Baxter Stockman: “Inside every human, there’s a dormant gene which ties us to our animal ancestors. It’s as if that purple ooze has returned them to their rightful place in the animal Kingdom.” (???) AVGN: What the hell are you talking about? Animal ancest-what?! What was wrong with just put the ooze on
them and combine them with other animals?! BN: Does this mean other people have animal
ancestors, like Snoop Dogg was actually a dog? NC: Taylor Lautner was actually a llama? AVGN: Wallace Shawn was actually a seal? BN: Hey Dennis Hopper. What are you descended from? Dennis as Bowser from SMB Movie: “Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Lizard King.” NC: The story behind the rock band
is making more sense than you! Bebop: “You’re a rhinoceros!” Rocksteady: “And you’re uh…I don’t know what you are!” NC: “Hey, Timon!
Time to make our obligatory cock joke!” BN: Pumbaa, not in front of the kids. Both: “My man!” BN: Yeah, have fun sending dick
pics to the cast of the jungle book. AVGN: Well, it goes along great with their fart jokes. Rocksteady: “Well, I got a big bang for you.”
[loudly farts] Rocksteady: [laughs]
Bebop: “Man, that is awful!” NC: How’s the cartoon for kids
coming across as more adult? AVGN: April sees what happened and tries to escape, but Casey’s there to save her wearing
his trademark hockey mask. And this is the only time you’ll see him wear it. Did you enjoy it?
NC: No? BN: Too bad. NC: Casey’s introduced to the turtles while they’re trying to figure out the best way to track Bebop and Rocksteady, But he doesn’t want anything to do with it. Casey [Whining]: “I was doing just fine!” “If you want to get work done,
don’t spend time at the zoo.” “If I’m gonna find them–.” “You know, it’s like they say…” [incessant whining] BN: “Arrow’s Wednesday on CW.” BN: But Donatello makes an amazing,
if not totally nonsensical discovery. If Krang’s ooze can turn people into animals,
perhaps it can turn the turtles into humans. AVGN: Maybe if they combine it with that
Super Nintendo controller on his arm, We can get a really good turtles game. Leo: “We don’t need that kind of change.” NC: But Leo says “no” without consulting the others which eventually makes its way to Raph and Mikey. Raphael: “You should consult with us before
you decide to do something like that!” Leo: “There’s only one vote that counts in this family. Mine.” BN: Well, at least they keep the most
important of turtle traditions. NC: Leo is always the worst leader. Leonardo: “Master Splinter will be very upset–.” “Stop this vigilante nonsense.” “Well, you act like a jerk sometimes!” “I can’t believe you!” “I mean, come on! What were you thinking!” “Go ahead, we don’t need you!” “I order you to stay!” “I’m better than you…” BN: Is there an ooze that just transforms you into less of an asshat? AVGN: Raph and Mikey want to break into police headquarters to get more of the ooze, So they call on Vern to help them sneak in. Vern: “Guys like you and me, we’re kind of the same.”
-“Right.” You know, we bring a lot of
joy and hope into people’s lives.” NC: “I will erase years of Bojack
in one single performance!” April: “We need to go. Bring that key to the city with you.” BN: Michael Bay gets tired of
making the military look like idiots, so he turns to making the police look like
idiots as our heroes easily sneak past them with Megan fox saying”‘Cowabunga” and not the Turtles. April: “Cowabunga.” BN: Win. AVGN: Wow gotta love that incredible
look of shock and horror on April’s face Did she find out they’re in trouble or try to hold back a fart? BN: In fact a lot of Megan Fox’s
performances underplayed where in the first film she was at least passable and clearly trying, since most of the movie’s about her, here, she sounds like a lifeless computer generation than the actual lifeless computer generations. April: “Looking at the data from Baxter’s iPad–.” “Uh, excuse me. I named them.” “We need to find Shredder.” “That footage been altered.” “Baxter is working with the foot clan.” “I want you to be the hero that
the whole city thinks you are.” NC [monotone]: “Aprilbot not amused. Aprilbot only trying when in schoolgirl fetish mode.” NC: But the Turtles are stopped by the police. Michelangelo: “Wait, we’re the good guys!” Cop: “Get on the ground!” Cop 2: “What are those things?” Cop: “They’re monsters. They’re monsters!” “We’re not monsters…” BN: Hey green lives matter. Vern and April: [shouting] “No, don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” “GO NOW!” AVGN: “Uh, we could still shoot you…
Uh, okay. Whatever have a good day.” BN: The Turtles are of course bummed
out at how the people looked at them. Michelangelo: “You should have
seen the looks on their faces. They weren’t just scared, there was… actual hate.” NC: “It’s like when they released our images online.” Splinter: “It will be all right, my son.” Donatello: “I got something!” BN: But enough of that emotional stuff because this movie can’t take two seconds without Moving somehow seems Donny can track Bebop and Rocksteady Dna because of course he can EVG: Okay, guys, I drew up some sketches I was thinking my character should have like Jojo tanks for arms and like He-man swords for Fingers NC: Brilliant John Go perfect your creation this could be so cool He’s adorable when he’s happy. BN: I want to bottle him up We’ll be right back, after this commercial break. Now back to the show. AVGN: So the turtles catch a plane to Brazil where Bebop and Rocksteady are only to find they’re flying back directly under them That’s quite a coincidence NC: And how are we breathing up here? AVGN: How can a plane still fly with [no] tail? NC (Confused): Iiiii.. Ah this tank scene is awesome [Excited] BN: Oh Sorry [Returns to Excitement] NC: Yeah! love this scene AVGN: Finally the turtles fighting Bebop and Rocksteady on the big screen BN: Yeah, did you guys enjoy that? NC and AVGN: Hell Yeah! BN: Good cuz it’s the only time that the turtles fight Bebop and rocksteady in the entire movie AVGN: Lame BN: Instead what do we get more of Leonardo being a dick again? Leo: “Thanks guys real Team effort. “What do you know about anything? “You’re all heart no brain” “You may be brothers. But we are not a team.” (ALL): Worst Leader EVER!!! BN: But don’t worry even after Laura Linney’s see the turtles with her own eyes She still doesn’t believe Casey or april about there being more mutants like them April: The only real monster in the city of shredder and the two mutants that he’s created Bebop and rocksteady Laura: If you think anything coming out of your mouth is Gonna add to her credibility you are sorely mistaken AVGN: What is wrong with her she saw the damn things she has no reason not to believe them. Casey: “Still over a phone call.” Laura: “I don’t know anybody anything.” NC: There’s even altered security footage with Bebop and Rock state I was in there, but now they’re erased out, and their “advanced police technology” doesn’t catch on that It’s a fake. April: That footage has been altered. It’s been edited.” Laura: “We checked its authenticity It’s clean.” NC: Way to be proven wrong later how the chucking shell do they even check authenticity then do they do, any Actual police work? Malcolm: Guys remember how you defeated Godzilla before. BN: Yeah, but how did you? [oh] Tamara: Well there’s an even bigger monster out there, and we need your help to get rid of him. NC: Hmm I don’t know police chief What do you think? Police Chief: they have no idea what they’re talking about it makes me so mad I want to bawl my eyes out and follow my head and disgust. AVGN: Welp she is the police chief. BN: Yeah, she’s in that position for a reason. Malcolm: But you can see the monster I defeat it before. Tamara: There’s literally no reason not to trust us. Police Chief: I’ve checked the authenticity of our eyes and they are not clean NC: Ah well she check the authenticity. Malcolm: Okay, screw you guys I’ve got a city to save. Tamara: This is ridiculous none of you have any idea what you’re talking about your disgrace to law enforcers everywhere. NC: Sheesh, Tamra i feel a lot better earlier. Tamara Quinn: Well, thanks guys Chief: Okay, I’m here so she can look like that AVGN: Krang enters our world through a portal in the sky because that’s the only Transportation that exists anymore as the turtles try to figure out what’s going on? Donne: Hacking into the main Data core, ships designate is the Technodrome commanding officer goes by the name of Krang. BN: Good. God I know Donatello does machines, but is there anything Donnie’s technology doesn’t know you’re making Penny gadgets book computer look like a Samsung note seven NC: They decide It’s probably best if they blend in so Leo leaves it up to the rest of his brothers to decide whether or not they should Use the ooze to make them human. Leo: “Do whatever you guys say” “It’s your call” I Say fuck this pointless plot twist (Chekhov’s gun 101) AVGN: What so we never seen him as human what a missed opportunity? BN: Yeah, and for the guy who claims Leonardo makes all the decisions He sure did make a decision to smash the news without asking the rest of his brothers NC: Talk about a pointless waste of an awesome idea EVG: I’ve done it! I’ve created the most incredible character to turn into Super-Thunder-Morphin-Bat-Ninja-He-Joe the coolest mutation. You’ve ever seen in your lives. My body is ready. Transform me! BN: Ehh You know what now we thought about it. It’s just not worth it EVG: What? AVGN: If this movie taught us anything? It’s don’t give the audience exactly what they want just tease them with it But he has bullets for nipples and fire for nose hairs. NC: But don’t you feel like you’ve learned a valuable lesson. EVG: No! NC: Well, that’s your loss, not mine. BN: Bye [Sad Music plays] AVGN: After Baxter sets up the portal big surprise shredder betrays no. Shredder: “I’ll be a god you’ll be just what you’ve always been.” NC: A parasite BN: An insect AVGN: A half human half bug hybrid Shredder: “A Footnote” BOOOOOOOOOOOO BN: You suck It was right there could they just see CG in a fly landing on him to give us hope? NC: But Everyone’s betraying everyone as shredder dressed like a ninja Eiffel tower is frozen like a bitch and stored with the other smash brothers trophies Krang: “Back to the toy chest with the things, i’ve broken BN: That was our big villain NC: Does Shredder ever not go out like an asshole [Flashbacks of the previous Turtle movies] But i Want to conqueror earth!!! AVGN: I guess not BN: So April, Vern, and Casey try to sneak in this in the technodrome back to its dimension Casey: “Hey Fellas!! Remember me.” BN: Actually we don’t. NC: Yeah your performance was pretty forgettable. Vern: “What? Why me” NC (Imitating April): Uh I have tits BN: If only I had my intimidating hockey mask. NC: Yeah, then you know. I’m a guy with Anger management issues AVGN: But Casey locks them in a crate and potentially murders them Bebop: “Rock” Rock: “Yeah beeps” Bebop: “My man” BN: Wasted Line NC: Yup BN: My man Now it’s all look at our dicks NC: Turtles approach krang and try to defeat it. Krang: “I’ll only warn you once get off by ship!” NC (Imitating Leo): Donnie you heard him get off his ship. Come on NC: Vern take her on I have tits. AVGN: So to shame. NC: Uhh its different. Mikey: “Donnie!” Donnie: “Electromagnetic portion of the portals is coming from there.” BN: Yay science babble. NC: So we never do see the fully put together technodrome AVGN: Techno blows! NC: But april is still there to report on it. BN: Oh yeah. She’s a reporter Forgot. April (Disinterested): what was that threat from the sky and how exactly was it averted? But the bigger question is does it even matter NC: And will I ever act like I give a shit in another movie again? AVGN: The Turtles are rewarded by New York’s dumbest and apologize for being such loudmouth idiots. NC: All rewarded except for splinter who is just in the corner watching awkward Chief: “Leonardo Raphael Donatello, Michelangelo last name ” Donnie: “Oh!” Not so much NC: Its Splinter. I raised them, but don’t pay any attention to me I’m just the reason they exist Raph: “I think we’ll stick with the arrangement we’ve had.” BN: But it looks like the turtles are happy staying a secret in New York so it’s more of a… Peeking out of the shadows. Chef: “You could live a normal life.” Raph: “What fun is that?” NC: Yay, were out the shadows. BN: but not really you’re being spotlighted where a lot of people can see us. AVGN: I’m so confused. NC: So that was teenage mutant ninja turtles out of the shadows. How was it? cow..wa..ehhh.? Some things are really cool many of the action scenes are creative and energized But the plot never takes a break from throwing shit at you AVGN: It’s amazing seeing Krang, Bebop, and Rocksteady but it would have been even more amazing if they were in a movie that had more weight to it. BN: It really is like one long version of the cartoon which sounds perfect in theory. I love that we get more references and fan service, but even for Ninja Turtles We still want a movie that makes sense. NC: even though the original film didn’t have everything they treated it like it was a film They took time to set things up and establish atmosphere this movie Just kind of goes from one crazy thing to another crazy thing without any of it ever adding up AVGN: So i guess if you want to see one long live-Action version of the Turtle cartoon right down to the hokey writing and rushed subplots This is the turtle movie you’ve been waiting for. BN: But if you’re looking for a movie that captures Everything awesome about the turtles this gets it right sometimes, but feels like a mess all the other times. And speaking of which what’s that giant monster Malcolm and Tamara were talking about before anyway [Monster Roar] Chief: There’s nothing to see out there there you’re BN: My God Michael Bay’s Crappy influence have gotten so large. He’s become gigantic. Michael Bay: That’s nothing you know how Krangs mind was in his stomach well take a look where mine is Hey guys, [oh] We have fuse into one. I love to destroy anything has finally resulted in the description of your species AVGN: Oh only we can fight a horrible idea with an equally horrible idea Hello NC: Malcolm Malcolm: Yeah, it turns out my animal Ancestor was a giant platypus bunny. I just played around with that dormant gene and here I am Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go breath fire to these guys because that’s what platypus bunnies can do Rocket feet away AVGN: Well, there’s only one thing to say after a crazy adventure like that. BN: I know exactly what you mean Cowa NC: This was really weird? BN: Yeah? NC: I don’t feel we earned that. BN: Yeah. Yeah AVGN: Wanna play Turtles 3 Nes instead. NC: Yes that sounds good BN: Haven’t played in a while. NC: That’s right it’s been a good Don’t forget Super Thunder Morphin Bat- [Credits] Dang it Hey, Doug walker here doing the charity shout out this week. We are doing prevent blindness Founded in 1908 prevent blindness has become the nation’s leading volunteer eye health and safety organization dedicated to fighting Blindness and safe sight focused on promoting a continuum of Vision care prevent blindness touches the lives of millions of people each year They get the word out on better eye health and support groundbreaking research every grant they get promotes the core mission of preserving sight through their focus initiative they support the collection and publication of prevalence and economic data to help health care providers Make better decisions about eye and vision health they also advocate for public policies [that] improve health systems Nationwide and provide better access to eye Health care So definitely check out their website or their youtube channel and see how you can help so many people keep the gift of sight