– Mom, no, I haven’t
ordered my sari yet. Look, I’m having some
car troubles, and it’s really
affecting my work. Can I just call you back?
‘Cause this is more
of a two-hand job. Ew! No, that’s not
what I do for work. Look, I told you.
People get in touch with me
through an app, and then I go to their house
and I do things to them. For them. Protection? Okay, look,
you’re really not getting this. Look, I don’t even think
I can make it
to cousin Roshin’s wedding. Ow!
(mom shouting over phone) I know, but I’ve never met him!
And I have, like, 75 cousins! Am I supposed to go
to all of their weddings? Here’s a pitch.
One big group wedding. Hello? Hello? (car alarm blaring) What? What? (theme music) I know everybody says
their families are crazy. My family is for-real crazy. I have had multiple
conversations with my mom today about ordering a sari
for my cousin’s wedding. I’ll order it
when I wanna order it! – Why don’t you just order it?
– God, Oliver.
Who are you, my mom?! I’m sorry.
That was intense. It’s just, when my family
gets stressed out,
I get stressed out. But they can’t help it.
They treat every single
family function like it’s the biggest deal ever. I mean, would anybody
really notice if I didn’t go? – Maybe your weird uncle
who kisses you on the mouth. (both): Uncle Raj.
– Wait. Am I the only one
that Uncle Raj doesn’t kiss
on the mouth? – Oh, honey.
– Yeah, that’s not a club
you want to be a member of. – Speaking of, did you
know Bark-Paul has been
on the waiting list for the Champions Club for
two years, and still hasn’t
moved up a single spot? – What? That is awful! Remind me what
the Champions Club is? – Only the most exclusive
canine club in L.A. I mean, what’s wrong
Nothing. He’s perfect. – I know it’s just for dogs,
but I’d roll over and beg
to access that rooftop lounge. That property
is stunning. Almost as impressive
as this listing I’m stuck with. I’m trying to sell luxury
at the corner of “Please take my wallet”
and “Oh, hi, I see
you’re defecating in public.” – Oh.
– It is high-high-end in the worst possible
neighbourhood. It’s an impossible sale.
(phone chiming) – Ooh!
WhatUpFam. It’s one of those DNA companies
that uncover your ancestry. Oh. Maybe I’ll find out
I’m not even related
to my family. That’d be awesome. – Our DNA tests
have gotten so popular, we’ve had to hire extra help
in order to keep up processing
all the samples. – I bet. You know,
I’ve always wanted to try
one of these tests. Well, not always,
but since they’ve been a thing. – Well, it’s your lucky day then
because everyone who works here
gets a test for free. – Free-zies? Oh.
Swab me up. – Mm-hmm. Just a
little perk of the job. Plus, more DNA in our database
is always a good thing. Helps to improve our metrics
and also human cloning. – What was that? – Please put on these gloves
to avoid any sort
of contamination. – You betcha.
– It’s actually pretty
straightforward. You receive the samples,
you add a drop of activator
liquid to each vial, and then you place
the mixed vials over here
for a technician to come retrieve them,
and that’s it.
You got it? – Easy breezy.
You can count on me.
– You don’t need to do that. – Right. Ahem. Oh, wow. Oh… this is cool. D to the N to the A
to the what? D to the N to the A
to the what-what! D to the N to the A
to the whaaat! Whoa! We got the MVP
of DNA over here. Hello? Okay. Oh. Alright,
we’re really moving. Oh, yeah, you’re still going. Okay. Thank you. What? D to the N to the A
to the what? Okay. That’s some nice perfume
you’re wearing. It’s very, uh… very fragrant. Should be fine. Yeah, hi, it’s Liza.
I dropped my car off
the other day. They told me to call back
to get an estimate. How much?! So how many miles
could I safely drive
before it combusts? Are we talking, like,
a big explosion,
or a small explosion? (knocking)
I’ll call you back. Yeah, sorry,
you have the wrong address. – But I haven’t
said anything yet.
Are you Liza? – Yes.
– Oh, my God. I know
this is gonna sound crazy, but the reason I found you
is ’cause I took this DNA test –
you know, WhatUpFam – and as it turns out,
we’re related! Ah! These curls
are just the cutest! You know, in the ninth grade,
I was going through
this really bad breakup, and I wanted to just, you know,
completely change my look,
so I got this retro spiral perm. I mean, most people
can’t pull it off,
but I totally rocked it. And that’s when I knew.
I must be kind of exotic. And now I finally have
the proof! – Speaking of proof,
these tests, really,
how reliable are they? – Oh, extremely reliable.
– I guess, but sometimes
there can be other factors
that throw off the results? – Oh. I almost
totally forgot. Thought you might wanna learn
a little bit about your family! – Oh.
– Let’s see here. This side of the family
came over on the Mayflower, and Mommy’s side fought
in the Civil War,
for the right side. – And which side
is the right side? – Ha! Liza, you’re too funny. Oh, my God. This makes
so much sense. Aunt Becky loved spicy food.
Look, you guys are like twins! – Listen, I should really
tell you something. – Oh, and here’s Daddy
at the family car dealership. Reeves Family Motors,
the largest dealership in all of L.A. County.
Have you heard of it? – No, but I’ve never really
had to shop for a new car.
Mine’s a hand-me-down, and it’s currently a little
on the explode-y side. – Oh, if you’re having
I’ll have it towed to our shop. – Oh, that’s nice of you,
but I’m a little short on funds
at the moment. – Liza! We wouldn’t charge you.
You’re family. And you’ll probably need
a loaner car in the meantime,
right? – What? No. I could… …do that.
That could definitely work. – You know, I’m so sorry.
I’ve been talking
this entire time. What did you wanna say?
I was just gonna say that… …I do totally look
like Aunt Becky. – Right?! – Yeah! – Alright,
so I’ll see you Friday? – You bet ya.
I can’t wait to meet
the rest of the fam-damily. – Yay, I’m so excited!
– Oh, Sloane. These are my roommates,
Harlow and Oliver. – Hi.
– Liza, you’re so contemporary. You guys have to come with us
We’re having a family reunion. – Why is Liza coming
to your family reunion? – Sloane! I know you gotta
get going, so don’t worry.
I’ll catch these guys up. – Alrighty, well ciao for now.
I’ll see you all on Friday. – See ya!
– Bye! What’s going on? – Well, you know how
one minute you’re working
in a DNA testing facility and you accidentally
sneeze in a sample, and a month later,
someone comes to your door because they think
Ha. It’s a classic mix-up. – Ha-ha. A tale as old as time. I’m not going.
– Ditto. – Come on, guys! Please!
make me feel nervous. What am I supposed
to talk about?
The stock market and… See? I literally can’t think
of another thing. – Liza, you’re not related
to that woman. – Boats. Rich people love boats. That’s literally the only thing
I know about boats. Please? You two are
the fanciest people I know. – I guess I am pretty fancy.
– Yeah, you are. – Fine. But only because
I’ve been looking for an occasion
to wear my new ascot.
– Yes! Can you believe
they’re just letting me
use this car? I mean, the glove box
is refrigerated. It’s better
than our refrigerator
in the apartment. I went out and I bought butter
just for the car.
You guys want butter? – Just plain? (celestial music) (Harlow): My God.
(Liza): Wow. – Liza, I’m having
second thoughts about this. You know,
it’s not too late to back out.
– I’m with Harlow on this. – Guys, don’t flake out
on me now, come on.
We’re already here. Don’t worry. I’m gonna tell ’em
as soon as we get inside. Or as soon as my car’s done
in the shop. Either way,
they’re gonna know soon-ish. (classical music)
– Yay, you’re here! Everybody, they’re here! Liza, Oliver, Harlow,
meet Daddy. My daddy. My mother, Cora,
and my older brother, Hughes. – Oh, look at you!
Look at her, Cora! – Oh, I’m looking, darling.
– Oh, she’s gorgeous.
Isn’t she gorgeous? I bet she’s smart too.
I can tell just by looking at you.
– Oh! – This is truly a cause
for celebration. I’ll get the wine. – Hey, all my friends
call me Hughes,
’cause that’s my name. – Liza.
– No, Hughes. – Right. Hughes. Hughes it is indeed. Ahem.
– Just a reminder,
you’re supposed to be related. This isn’t Cruel Intentions. – So how’s that loaner car
working out for you? – Can you be soul-mates
with a vehicle? ‘Cause I’d kinda like to ask
its dad if I can marry it.
(laughter) – Liza, come on.
I wanna give you a tour. We have a giant waterslide
in our pool.
Oh, the indoor pool. – You have more
than one pool? (cork popping, glass smashing)
– Oh. Cora, dear,
are you alright? – Mom, let me help you
– Oh, no! I was trying to get the cork
out of the bottle, and my elbow
must’ve bumped it! – It’s alright, darling.
It’s just a lamp.
As long as you’re alright. – Wow. Sorry. It’s just,
if that happened in my house, it would’ve not gone down
like that. My dad once broke
a Glade candle, and my mom made him eat
the wax as punishment. We switched to Plug-Ins
– What’s a Plug-In? – Oh, it’s a…
(phone vibrating) It’s nothing. And my family
can be just a little… What?! Um… Sorry, do you have somewhere
I can make a phone call? – How ’bout the kitchen?
– Oh. Which one? (laughter) – Oh.
(tapping) – That’s my little Lord Tinsley. – Oh, he’s adorable.
I could just eat him up. – But you wouldn’t, would you? Oh, I’m just kidding. Oh!
Yes, he is adorable, isn’t he? Oh, I’m sorry I’m gushing.
My dog is my life. – Oh, I totally get it.
My dog, Bark-Paul Gosselaar,
is my baby. – Well,
if you’re a fellow dog-lover, I must show you Lord Tinsley’s
It’s quite impressive. – You don’t happen to know
anyone at the Champions Club,
do you? – Know anyone?
I’m practically on the board. (Oliver): Wow.
This place is amazing. If I lived here, I would host
so many murder-mystery parties. And I’d have
a luxury panic-room. A place to have panic attacks
surrounded by luxury. – Yeah. This place
is alright, I guess. I mean, I’m only staying here
’cause I got kicked out
of my last place. You’d think my neighbours
would be so stoked that I had a Migos show
on the front lawn. And the thing is,
I did invite them. And we pretty much put out
the fire, like, right away, so it wasn’t even
that big of a deal. – Yeah, I think
I read about that. So you’re in the market
for a new place. – Yeah, absolutely.
But them I’m gonna
have to, like, look… – Ugh. Oh, yeah. I wish I could get you
the place I just listed. It’s very high-end,
in an emerging neighbourhood. But I kind of already
promised it to Ja Rule. – What?! Well,
can I take a look at it? – I mean, I guess you are,
like, family now.
I suppose I could fit you in. – Suck it,
Ja Rule. Yeah. Alright, I’m gonna go get
my chequebook. – Mom, you called 10 times
to see if I ordered a sari?! Ten?! You only call 10 times
if somebody’s dead, or Taylor Swift
is finally engaged. (mom shouting over phone) Mom. Mom, Mom, calm down. – Everything okay?
– Yep. Everything’s great.
I’ll be right out. – Oh, shhh. (mom shouting)
– What?! – So that is
the wrap-around balcony. It has a fire pit
and a full outdoor kitchen. – God, Oliver, you are
selling me so hard, dude. I can already see myself
out there. I think we got a winner
right there. Now I just got
a quick question to ask you. – Ask away.
– You know, now that I got a little bit
of brown in my blood, I can say the N-word
now, right? (bleep!)
– No! I-I-I know what the N-word is,
and no, you cannot. – Are you sure?
Or are you messing with me? ‘Cause I know I’m kinda new
to this whole thug-life thing, but, like, I’m pretty sure
that it’s all good now. – I’m pretty sure
it’s not all good. – Well what about
when I’m rapping? – No!
– Not even Gold Digger? – Hughes! You are not allowed,
nor will you ever be allowed, to say the N-word. – Oh, okay. – Okay. – But you know we all are
from Africa though, right? – It doesn’t work
like that. – So… the Champions Club. I mean, what is the deal
with their waiting list? – What do you mean?
– Well, my dog has been
on the list for two years, and it seems
like a total no-brainer. Bark-Paul is a huge influencer.
look at his Insta following. (chuckling)
– That’s charming, but I don’t think the board
is going to be swayed
by an Instagram… Oh. Oh! Oh, that is quite
a large following. That’s a very impressive
platform. And you…
Let me look at you. Shiny hair…
Go like this for me. Oh, nice, healthy gums. You know, I’m gonna write you
a letter of recommendation. And a letter from me
is a guaranteed in. – Oh, my God.
Thank you so much!
You would do that for me? – Of course, darling!
Now this calls for a real drink.
(glass shattering) – What floor am I on? Where’s the waterslide? Oh, shit. Shit. – What’s with the
emergency meeting text? – It’s over.
– What are you talking about? – This letter is from WhatUpFam. It explains all about how
the DNA sample test
was contaminated. Which means, the jig is up. I have to go and explain to them
before they figure it out
on their own. – Liza, that’s a terrible idea.
– You’re right. ‘Cause the longer I stay
in that house, the more I risk truth-vomiting
all over the place. I can feel something coming up
already. Harlow, I’m wearing
your underwear right now! – What?!
– Ew. – I wear them all the time.
Sometimes I don’t even wash them
before I put them back. – Oh.
– Liza. Keep it together. Let your friends reap
the benefit of this lie. I am this close
to making a sale! – And I am this close
to getting that letter
of recommendation for Bark-Paul. All we’re asking for
is just a little more time. – I just don’t like lying.
– Don’t think of it as lying. Think of it as expressing
a different version
of the truth. And technically,
you could be related. Aren’t we all
from Africa, anyway? – It doesn’t work like that.
– Okay, Liza. Oliver and I have dealt
with racism our entire lives, and an opportunity like this
just does not come along
very often. Of course, it doesn’t make up
we’ve been through, but it is a small win.
And don’t you think
we deserve that? – What? You two playing
the race card on me? Hello? – Technically you’re half.
Your white side owes us this. – That is some messed-up logic. But my white-guilt side thinks
by denying your point of view,
I’d be denying your experience. Which would be wrong. So I think maybe…
you’re right? – Let’s go with that.
– Mm. – I can do this.
Just a little while longer. – Liza? What are you doing? – Oh, you know.
Just checking to see if you’re
on daylight saving’s time. – Um, okay. Well, I was
actually just looking for you, I had a couple
of quick questions. – Questions?
I don’t know anything.
– It’s not an interrogation! I just want to get to know you
a little better.
– You do? I feel like we know each other
so well already, though.
– Me too. So where are you from?
– Oh. I can answer that.
Texas. – Right, but where are you
really from? Like, where’s our home base
in India? – “Our” home base?
– Yeah, and are we Hindu? – I’m sorry, what kind
of questions are these? – Oh, I’m filling out
college applications, and I really need to rep
my Indian-ness this time around. I didn’t get into any colleges
when I first applied, and now all of a sudden
you can’t buy your way in. But now that I’m mixed,
I can probably get in anywhere. – Hmm. That seems
a little unethical. – Unethical? Liza. We’ve been forced
to exploit the system, because the system is there
in the first place. It’s a reverse racism. – That’s not a thing. – But now that I’ve got
a little Indian in my blood,
things are looking up. Pal of mine recently married
a Chinese and he got
a minority business grant. I recently applied for mine,
and when the money comes in, Daddy’s gonna get
a whole new dealership. (forced laughter)
– Okay, I think I’m hitting
my limit. – Oh, speaking of which,
that loaner car
really suits you, I want you to keep it. – Say what now? Heated seats… Racism. Cooling seats… Racism. The option to set my butt
to any temperature I want… Racism. Chilled butter… Racism. – I cannot thank you enough. Bark-Paul is going to flip
when I tell him. – Oh, for a friend
of the family,
it’s the least I could do. And of course, it doesn’t hurt
to have an ally on the inside. – An ally?
– Well, to be honest… …I’ve been concerned,
now that I’m “of colour,” that the club might want
to kick me out. That I might have to deal with,
what’s the word? When you don’t like someone
because of the way they look.
It’s not jealousy. – Racism? – That’s it.
That people would be racist. But now if
they try anything, we can just post
to Bark-Paul’s followers. – Mm. – It’d be such a PR nightmare
for them, they’d have no choice
but to back down. Oh, hello, precious! Oh, Mommy’s good boy! Mm-mm!
Here, hold Lord Tinsley for me. – Oh. Okay.
– I just need to go
and find a pen and sign. (light music)
– Hmm. – Okay, well, I’ll get
the paperwork started. I’m so glad I met you today,
Hughes. You are the perfect… No, the only person
that this condo is meant for. – Aw, thanks, brother. – You’re welcome…
brother. – Time to take the annual
for the holiday card! – Oh…
(Dad): Gather round.
– But it’s August. – Is it August already?
Oh, we are so behind. – You know,
this seems like more of an immediate-family moment.
We should get going. – No, no, no, Liza,
you’re in the photo!
No, you are family! Come on.
Would you be a sport
and do the honours? – Oh. – Okay, over here.
– Okay, okay.
– A little closer. Perfect. – Everyone say “Ralph Lauren!” (all): Ralph Lauren!
– Uh, can I see? – Uh…
– Ugh, no. Can you take it again?
We need more light. – Oh, well, you could turn on
that lamp over there… Oh.
But somebody broke it. – There we go! I was wondering
when you were gonna
throw that in my face! – Well, maybe if you didn’t
spend your days soaked in booze. Do you have any idea
how expensive that lamp was? – That wasn’t expensive!
You just think it was because
you had to buy three of them. One for me and one
for each of your mistresses. – Mistresses?
– Oh, honey, wake up.
You’re not 10 anymore. – Can you stop fighting
in front of my new black friend? (both): Shut up, Hughes!
– So… thank you for having us. – No, no, please!
– No! – You must stay. Just stay
for one quick photo.
– Because we all look so lovely! – I guess one couldn’t hurt. – Oh, wait.
I forgot part of my fit.
Hold on a second. No, I gotta represent my peeps
now. (war cry) – Oh, hell no. No! (Bleep) this! WhatUpFam? Oh, ha-ha. I’m-a tell you what’s up. You’re not Indian,
you’re not Indian,
you’re not Indian, and you are not Indian,
or Native American! – Liza, what are you
talking about? – It’s a lie, and as this letter
will tell you, we are not related. I just happened to sneeze
in your sample. – Ugh.
– Ew. – You know, I thought
it would’ve been nice
to be a part of this family. You all seemed so put together,
so different than my own. But take a look behind
closed doors, and your shit
is flying off the hinges! You know what?
You can keep your car, ’cause I don’t want
to have anything to do
with this family! Unless you…
wanna give me your car, because I clearly
just taught you
a very valuable lesson. – Oh, not a chance!
Hand over the keys. – I’m white again!
Mama’s breaking out
the good pills! – Hi there. I hope this new information
doesn’t change your offer
to write that letter. – Oh, darling.
It absolutely does. Nothing personal.
I just don’t think you’d feel
very comfortable there. You understand. (scoffing)
– Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly. Just like I’m sure the club
wouldn’t feel too comfortable finding out that Lord Tinsley
has cryptorchidism! – Oh!
– What’s cryptork-idis-acha? – I think it’s some kind
of dog herpes? – It means he only has one ball.
(all gasping) And anyone who knows
dog shows knows that the rules
clearly state that all competing males
must have two balls. You’re a fraud. I know it,
and so will everyone else, once I post it on
my very influential platform. – Ah! You wouldn’t! – Hmm… I just did. – Huh. Hughes… my friend. My brother.
We’re still good
for the condo, right? – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, of course. – Oh, thank God.
– No, we’re fine.
– What? This dipshit doesn’t have
any money to buy a house. Hughes can’t even touch
his trust fund
until he turns 30. Not after he spent $300,000
replacing his teeth
with diamonds. – They’re the back molars, Dad!
Okay? No one can even see them! – Why did you even put them
– You don’t get it, Dad! – We should probably go.
(all shouting) – I’m gonna grab the butter
from the car. – Have another drink!
– I will! – Yep, Mom, I ordered the sari.
And you know what? I’m actually really looking
forward to the wedding. I know our family may have
but every family does, and I’d choose our brand
of crazy over all
the others any day. (mom shouting)
No, no, I wasn’t calling
you crazy, I just meant that… (knocking) Hey, Mom, I gotta go.
My date’s here. No, I’m not gonna ask him
to FaceTime. Hey, okay. I love you.
Okay, okay. – Excuse me, your date?
(gasping) You’re going out with Hughes? – Yeah, I am.
– Hey, guys, um… so… I just want to apologize
for how I acted
when you all first met me. I came off as, like,
this huge, close-minded d-bag, but I have changed since then,
thanks to Liza. I mean, we’ve had some
really great talks about race
and my white privilege, and I can honestly say
that I see how insensitive
I really was. So I hope you guys
can find it in your hearts
to forgive me. – It’s only been 400 years
of institutionalized racism. But sure. Start fresh. – Awesome. Thanks, guys!
– See? I may have had to open up more
than a couple of new credit cars
in order to fix my car, but some good
did come out of this. I mean, this experience
has really opened up
Hughes’s eyes. His gorgeous, blue eyes. But now that we’re not related,
we can go out. – Wait, what do you mean,
we’re not related? – I mean, we’re not related.
Remember the big speech
that I gave at your house? – Oh, yeah,
I got bored and zoned out.
Aw, that’s a bummer. The whole kissing-cousins thing
was what was kinda doing it
for me. – Gross.
– Well, maybe we could still
pretend to be related? – Okay, yeah, no. – No. No, I can’t. – Okay.
(Liza): Get out. (club music)
Bloopers! They have to make
every family function
a family function. ‘Cause that’s what
family functions are! So sorry!
(laughter) I’m so sorry. He was doing
a Little Mermaid impression. My dad once ate a candle.
(laughter) (club music) Well, you know how one minute
for a DNA facility? What? Well, you know how one minute
you’re working for… Mm! Well…
(laughing) And you accidentally sneeze
in a sample and then,
a month later, someone shows up
at your door wondering
if you’re related? Ha-ha. It’s a classic sample.
Sample? Ugh!! On the next Liza on Demand: They took my face
and they Photoshopped it
on another person’s body! – If my boobs looked that good,
I would not be complaining. – I guess all these gigging jobs
all lead to the same place. (Liza): I’m no longer using
the internet for anything.
So, ha! – It’s incredible
what you can see when you’re not
staring at a display all day. – There is a solution to this,
but you can’t handle it. – I walked because I couldn’t
get gas in my car, but then I couldn’t call
an Uber, ’cause I’m an Uber, so I would’ve just been calling
myself, but… without gas. Subtitling: difuze