Ozzy Man Reviews: Cows vs Turtle

Ozzy Man Reviews: Cows vs Turtle

Here we have some cows investigating a strange foreign object. The white cow is like “is it a rock, a meteorite, a piece of horse shit?” “Oh it fucken moved! We’re being invaded.” “There’s a breach in the paddock everyone!” Now the grey cow whispers to the brown cow “I knew this day would come.” “It’s the fucken prophecy. These rocks with necks…” “they’re stealing all of our farms.” Everyone says “shut the fuck up!” But he keeps spreading doomsday propaganda. He tries to get them to buy his book. “Oh there’s Shirley. Oi Shirley, can you move this rock?” She says “fuck off! I’m heading to the bomb shelter.” You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to get one past old Shirley. The brown cow senses paranormal activity now. Oh shit in comes a baby. He’s like: “what’s wrong with you old wankers? Bunch of pussies.” “It’s just a rock, or a meteorite, or a piece of horse shit–” “OH It fucken took a swing at me!” The turtle is victorious. The cows are yelling: “Run away! Run away everyone! Get to the fucken muster point.” “This is not a drill. Run away in a calm, orderly fashion please.” “The paddock has been compromised.” Here is an enhanced photo predicting what the turtle looks like today.

Randy Schultz

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