Do not be a tiger mom! What is the science behind tiger moms?

Do not be a tiger mom! What is the science behind tiger moms?

Are tiger moms good for children?
they’re terrible now when I say they’re terrible I mean
there are some things that’s really good for them
for example instilling competence right so motivation is broken down into three
elements, three essential ingredients in motivation, there’s autonomy so which is the ability to pursue what you want to pursue
there’s competence being good at something makes you want to keep doing
it and there’s relationships which is what is the community that you’re in and
whether this community is encouraging this type of behavior so tiger moms what do we fulfill in
these three elements they fulfill competence because if a kid is under
strict surveillance by the mother to work on their violin skills the kid will
probably be a solid violinist so for competence that is definitely gonna be
high now then it depends on the relationship right oh by the way
autonomy is low unless the kid actually likes to play violin but the thing about
that is if you force the kid to like to play violin then the kid
probably will not have much autonomy to begin with because like I’m doing this
because I have to now the third ingredient then is relationship right
that were the relationship between the child and the mother and it depends how
sour it’s turned whether the competence is developed at the expense of
relationship right and if it’s a controlling relationship where the
mother forces a child to do something otherwise I’ll punish you
then pretty much it turns the motivation to be everything externally driven and
the problem that is once that motivation is gone that motivator is gone which is
the mother and the mother will eventually have the child, the child will
eventually grow out of family whether you like it or not the
likelihood of the mother passing away before a child’s much
higher what happens then is the child will lose their source of motivation and
the question then is will this child keep playing violin because the source
of motivation has gone so if we’re talking about the basic science of tiger
motherhood then I would say it’s very dangerous
the only benefit of that is if the competence is so high and the
compensation is so high and the child becomes so good at something that they
can totally have the autonomy to pursue a violin career and become go on
stage and they love it and they’re in a community of musicians that also
encourage it then yeah eventually even sure that works right but it’s not
because of a tiger mother the tiger mother only did the confidence part the
autonomy part is the kid is able to play well so they can pursue whatever they
want they end up in a community and everyone a community are musicians or
violinists and so that kid flourishes so these are things that are out of your
control where as if you do something else which
is not don’t be a tiger mom and let the kid pursue their own interests and
develop that intrinsic motivation you support them in developing that
competence and at the same time you have you keep a good relationship and you
give them the autonomy to pursue what they want then there’s no reason why
that child cannot flourish especially in our modern economy the system that
we have in the developed world anyone can flourish so why so yeah the question is do you
really want to force that competence onto that child because that’s only one
ingredient well the other approach you can do all three

Randy Schultz

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