Bad Movie Review: Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds

Bad Movie Review: Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds


‘It’s so fantastic you won’t belive it until you hear it from the boys in the band. Now everybody, lets go!’ Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World. ‘It’s really super-big news’ We’re looking at Japanese film Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds. This is a post-Jaws kaiju which means there is a little more subtle inference, #screams and splashes# before the big monsters appear. But before we get to that we’ve got to address another legend that we’ve tackled before on Dark Corners. ‘Remember, you’re a geologist, they’re supposed to be practical’ That of the playboy geologist. ‘I guess you came here to find more stones so you can make more money’ It’s not about the rocks, it’s all about the babes and the cash, that inevitably come with the rocks. ‘Today’s hero seeking adventure’ We meet hero Ashizawa in what seems to be a reference to the graduate. ‘Then you won’t change your mind?’ Mr Miyawaki you’re trying to seduce me. ‘That’s ridiculous’ He’s been enticed to Lake Sai by stories of a stone egg. ‘Did he say stone egg?’ Like his father before him. ‘I said this petrified egg was a snake’s egg but your father said it was a dinosaur’ then he asked me how big I thought snakes were and slapped me round the head. ‘Another joke’ There’ve been strange goings on around here… ‘A horse without a head, a horrible practical joke.’ Either the Colone family is trying to send a message or… ‘I bet it was Nessie, the monster’ We go to Scotland on holiday, why shouldn’t she come here? And then… ‘It’s a monster! It’s a monster!’ There’s something in the lake. ‘It’s a dinosaur! It’s a dinosaur!’ But… ‘Hey, it just a fake.’ just some jerks. ‘Boy, ‘m all pooped out.’ ‘Yeah that wasn’t easy.’ But the boy who cried Nessie and his mates pay a terrible price. Now Nessie’s here, and they do seem wedded to this Nessie thing. ‘This looks very much like the Nessie monster’ She behaves more like a typical kaiju monster, attacking people… peeping on girls… and disrupting a Japanese country and western singer. Which frankly came as a relief, then vanishing for long periods so no one believes in her any more. ‘Somewhere in this lake there’s a live plesiosaur’ Now, an hour into the movie you do start asking questions along the lines of where are my monster birds? ‘Look at this’ ‘A pterodactyl’ ‘Ptero-what?’ Well it looks more like a ramphorynchus, neither could be described as a monster bird and while we’re on the subject a plesiosaur isn’t dinosaur, but I don’t think we care too much about the science? ‘If a dinosaur appears we’ll also have magnitude 5 earthquakes’ Bigger questions; where is it? And why now? ‘If it’s a dinosaur it wouldn’t be very strange if there was also a pterodactyl here’ Okay, can’t stress this enough; the pterodactyl or whatever hasn’t even hatched yet. This man is saying, if there’s one prehistoric animal, why not two? This randomly chosen one for example. And lo and behold… It doesn’t appear till much later but still, of all the weak justifications I have had to sit through in these movies this is the most cravenly pathetic. ‘And that’s bad?’ Meanwhile Ashizawa is desperate to see the plesiosaur to prove his father’s theory. ‘My father firmly believed a hibernating dinosaur existed in one of these lakes’ Sounds as if his father had as much proof as the pterodactyl guy but we’re past that now. His girlfriend, Akiko, objects, and… I’m afraid this is typical, geologists are the bad boys of the earth sciences. He’s probably strung out on quartz. ‘You’re terrible’ Ashizawa dives into the lake, but… ’20 minutes from now depth charges will be dropped into the lake’ Akiko leaps into action. I’d like to hope she’s abandoning him as the best way out of an abusive relationship, but I imagine she’s going to tell the army to hold off on the depth charges. Actually no. Rather than making a phone call, she drives home puts on a wetsuit and drives back to dive down and tell Ashizawa in person he’s about to get depth charged. Too slow. You may think it odd that depth charges designed to kill a plesiosaur have so little effect on a human that he just continues with his search, but remember, he is a geologist. Elsewhere, the pterodactyl finally hatches, and attacks. Oddly reminiscent of the giant claw. Finally, with minutes to go the monsters meet and fight in a series of furiously edited close ups, while hanging from wires. Now I called this a post-Jaws kaiju, it’s a bit bloodier than usual, and it does step back from the monsters to focus on the human drama but it doesn’t work, and we don’t have to look far to see why. ‘Hi’ Geologists. Thanks for watching. For more giant monster reviews click here. B Movies always struggle with geologist heroes, what other professions have movies tried and failed to depict as heroic, sexy or improbably living the life of an international playboy. Let us know in the comments below. ‘Well I’ve found something more interesting.’

Randy Schultz

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60 thoughts on “Bad Movie Review: Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds

  1. Francesca Gonzalez Ramos says:

    The best kaiju movie is Frankenstein Conquers the World of Godzilla.

  2. Enevan1968 says:

    I hope someone payed you to watch this… BTW, I'm a librarian. Any "librarian as the hero" movies out there?

  3. Weirdo says:

    I need to make a compiled list of playboy geologist films for when I next visit my fellow geology graduates

  4. Matthew Crook says:

    Huh, I bet someone couldn't make an archaeologist cool, ruggedly handsome–oh, hang on, they did; well done Harrison Ford

  5. Tom Starcevich says:

    ๐Ÿฆ–๐Ÿฆ–๐Ÿฆ–๐Ÿฆ–๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜

  6. William Lowery says:

    I think most of the film's budget was spent on hiring Japanese Parliament Funkadelic to do the score.

  7. Dan D Doty says:

    Now I know where all the dinosaur FX models from THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT went; looks like the film makers went to a garage sale at British Lion Studios. If they wanted to do a movie about a lake monster they should have gone to Scotland, Canada or Vermont. And if they wanted to do a " monster bird " they should have done the film in the South West or Texas ( Thunder Birds ).
    CRATER LAKE MONSTER did the whole thing way better, and we didn't have to endure a Japanese Country-Western band.

  8. mark welsh says:

    Apparently, this film was quite a big hit in the USSR. Not because of the monsters, but because the audience liked looking at the trappings of a modern capitalist society! And they probably liked Japanese country music. Obviously.

  9. Tskmaster says:

    The Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds? "Deep…." MST3K KTMA 21.

  10. Kimblee V says:

    The voice-over is A+. ๐Ÿคฃ

  11. SeTo says:

    Jimmy Wang Yang out here

  12. skylx08 says:

    All I can think of is Gene Hackman's with-it, studly heroic priest character from The PoseidonAdventure. No thoughts and prayers with that man. He grabbed Shelly Winters by the ass and gave her a shove.

  13. Metaluna Zombie says:

    this movie's flavor is Cheese&Onion

  14. Shockwave 2 says:

    I remember seeing this as a kid years ago. And I literally was thinking it reminded me of The Giant Claw…

  15. Buzza Wuzza says:

    The monsters aren't big enough. They should be as big as the cardboard buildings in a Godzilla film.

  16. Normand Richardson says:

    The pterodactyl looks like the skeleton of The Giant Claw

  17. MILO THE KAIJU MASTER says:

    Isnt this that one disco, kaiju thing that toei wasted, what was at the time alot of money for a tokusatsu film no one remembers.

  18. Nikolas Mace says:

    Can you look at The Sonic OVA ๐Ÿค–

  19. Nikolas Mace says:

    can you look at Rock & Rule it's an animated movie from Canada ๐ŸŽธ

  20. Nikolas Mace says:

    can you look at a shark movie called creature๐ŸŸ

  21. Nikolas Mace says:

    Can you look at Gator face๐ŸŠ

  22. Nikolas Mace says:

    Can you look at a dinosaur movie called Baby Secret of Lost Legend๐ŸŠ

  23. Nikolas Mace says:

    can you look at From Beyond๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ‘พ๐Ÿ’€

  24. varanid9 says:

    Grant Williams played a hero geologist in "The Monolith Monsters". Richard Denning played a hero geologist in "The Black Scorpion". Kieron Moore played a hero geologist in "Crack in the World" and, he even steals away someone's wife. Damn, more heroic geologists than I thought, and, I won't even get into hero archeologists, biologists, astrophysicists and paleontologists.

  25. Oppeldeldoc1 says:

    My only real problem with it is that part at 4:35. Is this the only Kaiju film with a "good guy" who acts like that? Hopefully.

  26. Bambu Fan says:

    "If this van's a-rockin', it's probably parked near a fault line so there'll be lotsa horny geologists around".

  27. Roger Morris says:

    I think you mean Country and Eastern and not Country and Western?

  28. Grim Tea says:

    The best title for a movie doesn't exi-

  29. Gappasaurus says:

    I remember being very confused the first time i saw this movie. That feeling did not improve with subsequent viewings ๐Ÿ˜ต

  30. OldHickory1971 says:

    Playboy geologist๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  31. Spike Zephaniah says:

    'The Refridgerator' featured a sexy plumber as its hero. His name is Juan, he has a moustache and looks like he may have accidentally wandered onto set from a porn movie. Definitely a movie worthy of Dark Corners, where else can you see a pedal bin eat a man's leg clean off?

  32. Charlie Heidtke says:

    This movie reminded me a lot of Empire of the ants And I love how they fuse discovery with dinosaurs

  33. Dee Construction says:

    I just watched this movie on Youtube three days ago! I feel like YOU might be in MY dark corner of this sick world.

  34. Andrew Parsons says:

    2:16 THEY'RE GONNA NEED 'BOUT TREE-FIDDY! GODDAMN LOCH NESS MONSTER!

    I genuinely like this bad, awful movie. 'Narm Charm' I guess? I first saw it when I was in my single-digit ages. I expected it to be just another Godzilla-ish Kaiju film, and didn't realize it was actually a JAWS knock-off. At least, up until all the uncensored blood and gore arrived. I had vivid and disturbing memories of the movie for years afterwards.

  35. Radical Rainbow says:

    The effects look better than Jaws. I hate dubbed films,those who are 2 lazy 2 read subtitles shouldnโ€™t be allowed to watch films!

  36. Sid Vicious says:

    You're really getting good at these jokes, I was dying the whole time!

  37. Sailor Italy says:

    All monster movies should be improved with disco

  38. The Ghoul of Cool says:

    Jurassic park has NOTHING on this movie!!!๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

  39. Duane C says:

    Sadly, I actually watched this many years ago., but it's much better than physco Shark

  40. Necessary Evil says:

    You should never leave a girl half-eaten.

  41. Jeffrey314159 says:

    1:10 Actually "Rockhounds" are Mineralogists, not simply "Geologists" – – that word is used so lazily
    1:33 Uhh-oh, is this another clone of RODAN?
    3:24 A Plesiosaur is a dinosaur, but a Pterodactyl is not

  42. Fragminion says:

    Ok. The Strung out on Quartz got me to lol.

  43. martin radcliffe says:

    Got to love that title.

  44. Grim Knight says:

    Journalists? Hunters? That's all I got.

  45. MrEjidorie says:

    The problem of this movie lies in its low budget and cheesy special effect. It`s a national disgrace for Japanese Kaiju movies.

  46. John Herkert says:

    Tentacles (1977) John Huston, Bo Hopkins, Henry Fonda. Marine biologist machismo.

  47. John Herkert says:

    Scuba watches became a mid 70's fashion accessory.

  48. thewestwardsky says:

    that was some BRILLIANT editing ๐Ÿ™‚

  49. SR Striker says:

    Imagine if the penguin from batman gets a hold these creatures

  50. Monish Kumar says:

    Really Awesome, I Liked it a lot, check my bass cover of 'Billie Jean' & 'Beat It',channel link www.youtube.com/channel/UCv_x5rlxirO-WKjLIyk6okQ?sub_confirmation=1, you might like ๐Ÿ™‚

  51. Raven House Mystery says:

    There are actually two characters I can think of that have a more glamorous and action-filled job than you would normally think. First, there is Peter (played by Michael Sopkiw), the two-fisted, action hero/electrician/TV repairman in "Devil Fish" (1984). Second is Mark Jackson (played by Robert Dunham), the insurance investigator who knows karate and is a decent marksman from "Dogora" (1964). Not even monsters from space can stop this self-proclaimed "Diamond G-Man" from his job of busting up a gang of diamond thieves.

  52. LizardClone2 says:

    I'm leaving this comment for the youtube algorithm

  53. jimmy fandago says:

    Archaeologist and spy's.

  54. Gary Hall says:

    Y'all need to check out Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews, too, for this one. Good shit

  55. Lewis Doherty says:

    The winner featuring under utilized professions would be a movie entitled RECTALATOR featuring a developing love story between a proctologist and parasitologist on the trail of and fighting monsters which erupt from people's anuses. Imagine the marketing possibilities tie ins of toys which when the figure is bent over a monster pops out of the figure's ass. The tag line for the movie posters might be, "When the perverts are the least scary thing in the restroom."

  56. Adrian says:

    Please do a review on "The Indestructible Man "

  57. dumoulin11 says:

    This channel has the best and funniest editing EVER!

  58. Mario Giresi says:

    Great review. If Iโ€™m not mistaken,that dinosaur was built by Toho Studios for a Hammer Films picture called Nessie that was never produced.

  59. randall2020 says:

    I saw a film that I thought might be about such monsters, but it was not the case. It is "Unknown World" – 1951. This is the voyage to the end of boredom and certainly leaves a non-impression. You keep expecting something to happen and nothing does. Completely different but as useless are "Shortbus" and "Ken Park". Sort of porny.

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